ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
