You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
