Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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