people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
