Just mADE A PArabola og urine
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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