I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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