just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
