That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
