part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
