she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
