i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
