You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
