I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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