Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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