I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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