She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
