I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
