So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
