Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
