i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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