Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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