I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize