I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize