I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Walk of Shame today included voting.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
