hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will pee on everything he values.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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