I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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