This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
