Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
