he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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