Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize