When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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