I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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