Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
