and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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