I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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