It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
