Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
