I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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