I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
