ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
