she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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