My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
