I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize