The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
