The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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