im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
