he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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