it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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