see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
