I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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