Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
