Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
