Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
