Where did you get a picture of my penis
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Send help, water and tortillas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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