the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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