u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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