dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
