they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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