Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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