i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
