Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
