I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
