then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
