She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
