I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
