my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize