so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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