we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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