Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
