i don't like sucking hair
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize