I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
