I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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