Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
