I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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