You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
