I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
