She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk is a universal language darling
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
