I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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