My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
